Did You Fill Out Your Census?
Did you mail it in promptly?
Did you answer the questions?
Everyone you were asked?
Then come let me count you.
Tell me all your dark secrets.
You must answer truth-ly.
For it is the Law.

Do you watch Jerry Springer?
Do you drive on the shoulder?
Do you cheat on your taxes?
Do you sleep on the job?
Do you own any handguns?
Do you drink Coke or Pepsi?
Do you steal cable TV?
Do you still wet your bed?

Then come let me count you.
Tell me a-ll about you
I will write down your answers
And send them to Washington
For the Government loves you
They just want to know you
Then like a big brother
They will always be there.

Do you root for the Redskins?
Do you think OJ did it?
Do you wear briefs or boxers?
Do you say prayers in school?
Do you sing in the shower?
Do you home-school your children?
Do you weigh more than Elvis?
Do you boycott the French?

Then come let me count you.
Tell me a-ll about you
I will write down your answers
And send the to Washington
For the Government loves you
They just want to know you
Then like a big brother
They will always be there.